“Tell Me All About Myself”

My work, my practice, my life is as a spiritual aspirant and healer.  For many years the process of wrangling with egoic strategies to get to a place of walking rightly on my path has been an arduous pilgrimage.  It is the tao of Who I Am becoming.

Some years ago, one of my teachers shared the story of the individual who comes forward, desiring change, with claims they are ready to do “the work.”  “Tell me all about myself,” they say.  The want to be the reincarnation of someone great, or they want to be acknowledged as someone who has done so much in this life.  And while the desire to grow is apparent, somehow that desire is dashed as they learn all about themselves.

Spiritual awakening may come as we work through pain, soul searching, humility and surrender.  It is not attained, like a prize, for having read an important work of a great teacher or  spent countless hours studying with a renowned guru, in the pursuit to know God.  Without pressing in on what’s hidden, we remain stuck in a vat of psychic and spiritual debris, left over from many lifetimes of not acknowledging and moving through our dark corners.

What do you do when confronted with your ugliness?  What do you do when you have asked to hear about it, but you don’t like what you hear?  Why are we such “wonderful” and “spiritual” beings, but when our patience and virtue are challenged, watch out!

Some years ago, during a healing session with a client, great spiritual beings appeared.  Their love radiated into the room, lifting both client and healer into a new level of  awareness.  As with such a magnified transmission, my energy body felt both expanded and tired because something life-changing had just been gifted.  Tears of pure joy were shared, and my client left feeling optimistic with the transformational energies.  Several days after the session, the client called to say she had developed aches and pains from which she could find no relief.  There was an inference that something “bad” had happened, that the energies that were shared were not what they seemed.

Whenever we hold onto things that keep us stuck – people included – during the process of spiritual growth, we are challenged, most often by pain in our bodies.  I remember the first time I sat with my teacher very well – my face broke out in a severe rash and the tape recording of the session was damaged.  I had difficulty breathing.  I cried spontaneously.  I was in physical pain.  I wanted growth in the worst way, yet I was holding on to patterns, beliefs and perceptions about me, my life and those in my life.  The spiritual energy, “the heat,” latched onto that and exposed the inner turmoil in a very outward way.

When we want to heal, when we want to become true spiritual aspirants and walk in the glow of a higher vibration, we will meet many detractors and deterrents along the way.  While it is easy to want to blame others for our pain, or stop when it becomes too hard, the truth is that the negative force we do the greatest battle with lives inside us.  Be sure that when you want to know all about yourself, you are ready for everything – warts and all.  Even without saying a word, Spirit will press in on your ego-holding and reveal it to you.  Then, and only then, does your true spiritual growth begin.